how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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