OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize