were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
