bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
