a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
