you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
