i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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