Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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