FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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