my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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