Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
