I didn't shave. On purpose
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
