how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize