her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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