my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
