i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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