Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i barfeds in our rink
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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