The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
