How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
