Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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