Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
