Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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