How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
