Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
