Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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