you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
