Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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