I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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