how can u be prego again
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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