Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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