Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
