Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
