i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
