last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
