The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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