And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
