Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
