Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
