I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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