Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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