My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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