He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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