what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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