just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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