now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
