I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
