id be glad to
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize