I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
