yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
