She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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