i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
