I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
