some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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