So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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