Do you still have your period?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
