Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.

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(847): View more from Illinois

she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox

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(847): View more from Illinois

just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".

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(816): View more from Missouri

Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.

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(512): View more from Texas

Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.

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(541): View more from Oregon

It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now

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(916): View more from California

Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.

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(917): View more from New York City

I can see. My condolences to your vagina.

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