I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
