there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Randomize
