Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
