I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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