the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
