Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
