I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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