Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
