um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
