I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
