ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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