I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
