you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
