The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
