Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
