If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
