actually, I'm a sock model
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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