I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
