Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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