That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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