Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
